interesting conversation...

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine the other day. She couldn't understand why I would wonder if Christianity was real when I could see how much my parents believed in it and how happy, on the whole, they were. It kinda made me reexamine my thoughts and feelings from that time. Looking back I don't think I ever really disbelieved in the existence of Jesus. It simply wasn't real to me (plus I really couldn't stand a lot of the people who called themselves Christian). As I look back on that time of realizing that Christ wasn't real in my life and the subsequent searching for the answer, I think it was a really, really good time for me. There will always be a time in your life when you decide to make your parents faith your own. If that time doesn't happen then chances are that you haven't really thought about it enough. I would encourage everyone to not simply take your parents word on the subject one way or the other. Search, dig, found out the answer for yourself. And realize it is totally fine to disagree with your parents. I have a friend who is a Christian while both his parents aren't. While it is sad that his parents don't share his faith I'm sure glad he disagreed with them. At the same time I have another friend who's single mom is a Christian and he isn't. I'm always glad when kids who are in Christian families have doubts about whether Christianity is true or not. In fact I would encourage those kids to not simply believe what their parents tell them but find out for themselves. And realize it's completely fine to come to the conclusion that Christianity isn't real. It's sad when people reach that conclusion but it is infinitely better then when someone doesn't care enough to even find out if the thing they're putting their faith in is real or not. Unfortunately my friend who is in a Christian home and is rejecting it, is simply floating. Right now he doesn't care one way or the other. He isn't searching for the answer. I would rather someone become a Humanist or New Ager then be a halfhearted Christian simply because his family is.

Something that God has been working on me a lot lately is my pride. I've never thought of myself as good-looking so that's never been a problem. But growing up I was always the leader of the pack. I could run the fastest and farthest, I was the strongest, the best fighter. In virtually every competition or fight I came out the victor. This caused two things; one: I became very prideful. two: I began to wrap my identity up with my physical ability to beat people in competitions. I was already very competitive to begin with, but that was nothing compared to what it became. I got to the point that I refused to lose. If I was in a game and it looked like my opponent was beginning to get an advantage on me I would become more and more serious, more and more angry. My entire focus would center on crushing not just beating my opponent. When I was really young my dad and I would sometimes play Age of Empires together. I would become so frustrated by my inability to beat him that I would actually burst into angry tears. This attitude carried into my late grade school years when I started playing baseball on a little league team. I think that the first time I used cuss words was on that team. After that year I decided that I didn't want to do any team sports anymore because I could see how I lashed out at others when I was losing. Of course that didn't solve my pride problem. It just made it not as noticeable. It also started to shift focus. Instead of being mainly all about my physical abilities, it started to be more about my mental abilities. I began to look down on people who were slower then I was or couldn't see a solution to something that was obvious to me. I've always been a good writer and even this started to become a pride outlet. Because I was always writing stories I was always making stories up in my head. These stories started to center on me as the hero (after all, the rest of life centered on me, didn't it?). If I had just watched LOTR I would fantasize that I was in medieval times. If I had just read a Star Wars book I would fantasize that I was a bounty hunter. I was always the daring, yet tragic, hero who slew hundreds of orcs, aliens, etc. (and yes, I always got the girl. what can I say? I'm a guy.) Anywho...when I became a follower of Jesus I started to get convicted of my pride. I realized that God had given me my abilities and talents and that he was the one who should receive glory from the use of them. Not me. It hasn't been easy to let my pride go (and I still haven't succeeded completely) but by the grace of God I am making progress. Some of that progress involved apologizing to people that I had been completely arrogant to. It's definitely not an easy journey but so far it has been rewarding.

Why I'm On Here.....Good Question

As this is my first blog post ever in my entire life, I'll start off giving some back history. I became a Christian at around sixteen. Both my parents are Christians so I was always in the culture, but I never really made my parents faith my own. Sure I was "saved" when I was four, but let's face it, that was mostly for cute points then anything else. So I just kinda coasted along until I was fifteen. That's when I was just beginning to actually develop my own fashion style (as opposed to wearing whatever my family bought me for Christmas) and apparently that style was fading too far towards what some Christians call "looking like the world". Around that time I also started noticing how some Christians treated friends of mine who were even farther along the dress continuum then I was. Everything from casual, pointed comments to blatant criticism. I started to get mad at these Christians who seemed to care more about the outside appearance then they did about what was in someone's heart. I managed to hold it inside...mostly. But woe to the person who made just one snide comment about "looking like the world" lest they wished to endure a long tirade on the subject. I began to seriously think about my relationship with Jesus and how I was really beginning to dislike these people who said they followed him. There wasn't really any doubt in my mind that Jesus was real. He just wasn't part of my life. And I wasn't sure that I wanted him to be. Finally I told him, "Reveal yourself to me or I'm out. I'll find something else to believe in." one thing I've noticed is that this approach usually works. Jesus tends to show himself to those who are wrestling with him. This time was no exception. One night, as I was reading through the New Testament, I heard his voice speaking to me. I can't really describe it except to say that it sounds like love given a voice.
So...all that to say this; I am now completely and madly in love with the person of Jesus Christ. This blog will be a place where I untangle my thoughts and ideas. Mostly though, this will be a place where I hope to share what a wild, amazing, beautiful thing it is to be in love with the creator of the universe.